Just so we’re clear, I’m fatter in person
As of 2:09 pm, I’ve
1) smashed an alarm clock apart
2) snapped the handle off a ceramic mug
3) broken a few deadlines as well
4) more to come
- Sorry for microwaving my food repeatedly because it’s just not warm enough at one in the morning. You must want to kill me; my thighs already do.
- And I guess for showering at sunrise, too.
- Thank you thank you thank you. I don’t think I’ve actually loved you before as much as I do now. Sorry for the long wait, but it wasn’t wasted time.
- You are equal parts kind and unexpectedly terrifying…I like you.
- I’m so sorry we’re acquainted because sometimes this uncomfortable, slightly flustered expression passes your face when I accidentally hit on you and no seriously when I suggest that we get lost in the forest together I mean I just really want to go hiking
- Tomorrow is going to be hell but you deserve it for watching reruns of Sex and the City the entire Sunday.